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Eco-Tips for Green Eco!

You don’t have to be a no-impact subsistence-farming freegan to make a difference in our precarious environment. You can use any of these simple tips to reduce your footprint today. Or not.

1. Turn your lights off when you leave the house.
Unless you’re only going out for a second. Although you don’t always know how long you’ll be gone. I’d say play it by ear.

2. Separate your garbage, recyclables, and organic waste.
That’ll make it easier for the raccoons.

3. Instead of driving to work, ride a bike, or use public transportation.
You’ll save money in the long run, unless you count all the times you get mugged.

4. Next time you’re in the market, consider buying a hybrid electric car.
Although if you have kids, safety should be your first concern. Then price, then cargo space, then available features, and only then fuel efficiency. Plus you want it to look at least kinda cool.

5. Each year, winterize your home by sealing off all windows, caulking any cracks in the foundation or walls, and replacing insulation where necessary.
Yeah, that’s not gonna happen.

6. Replace all the incandescent light bulbs in your house with energy efficient florescent bulbs.
All of them?!

Come to think of it, maybe there’s nothing you can do for the environment.

Groucho Lines Translated into German and Back

Courtesy of babelfish.

“If I it any more exact I’ held; D is inside back from you.”

“Accept please my resignation. I am not interested, in order to belong to any association, me as member.”

“I shot once an elephant in my pajamas. Which he did in my pajamas, I never know.”

“I never forget a face, but in your case I am gladly, exception.” to form;

“Go and darkening you never my cloths again.”

“I’ A perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’ had VE; t it.”

“Outside of a dog a book is Man’ s-best friend. Within a dog it’ s-also darkness too read.”

“I’ D give it to all for erection.” up;

The Best Movie Ever (And I Made It)

You’re welcome.

Tut Tut

Now that the election is over, it’s time to unveil my new awareness campaign:

This November, get out the guilt.