Talking to Myself

Hi. That is, hello.

I’m really just updating because I’m hopefully about to get a handful of new visitors, and it would be embarrassing if my last post was the first one up. This is my effort to look like a responsible blogger.

So what’s there to say? I’ll be at MoCCA today (if you don’t know what that is, congratulations on not being a nerd) handing out copies of my brand new and very first minicomic, The Paradox. That is, if I don’t chicken out. Which I probably will.

Anyway, because I loathe personal posts (or maybe just my personal life) here’s some spontaneous verse.

“A grand idea,” the pilot said,
“I’ll do it right away!”
“Do what?” the navigator asked.
“Pack up and fly away!”
“But Pi,” the navigator said,
addressing him for short,
“There is no flight to make today!”
and here was Pi’s retort:
“I have the plane, I have the fuel,
I have the will and means.
I’m lacking the permission,
but that shit don’t count for beans!”

Yeah, pretty sucky, I know.

Tags: Boems, Nonfiction by Matt
1 Comment »

If I’m mad then you are too
Cause I’m not as mad as you
And if it turned out you were fine
I’d be of even sounder mind
I would however doubt that claim
Because I know I’m quite insane

Tags: Boems by Matt
1 Comment »

Oh gentlemen, I do declare,
as sure as I sit in this seat,
that I have tasted naught so sweet
as hither chocolate éclair!

Tags: Boems by Matt
2 Comments »

This is a cute little poem I wrote while waiting for some friends in a coffee shop the other day. I was going to add more, but I think it’s pretty done.

The Badgers and the Elephants
Had fought since Long Ago
For land, and pride, and history
On sea, and sand, and snow
They fought because their parents fought
(Their parents did the same)
And so on back through centuries
They’d fought in heaven’s Name
The problem with this story was
(Which neither would admit)
That though they fought for the great Name
No one remembered it
‘Twas written in the Ancient Tongue
Not spoke since Long Ago
And since they studied only war
No one was left to know

Tags: Boems, Fiction by Matt
3 Comments »

I haven’t posted in a while; I’ve been walking down work alley. Anyway, I’m back with some classic-style limericks. I love these things.

A fellow from Cabo San Lucas
Had a curious buildup of mucus
We would mock him at length
For he hadn’t the strength
Or the air in his lungs to rebuke us

I know of a farmer in Faerie
With a very unusual dairy
His cow’s milk is beer
And as for his steer
You can try it, but better be wary

A classical barber, I’m sure
Would never do a manicure
But if you said ‘please’
And coughed up 3 g’s
He’d slather your nails in manure

Tags: Boems by Matt
4 Comments »

A lot of people I know think all poetry is aloof and pretentious, so I wrote these down-to-Earth, practical haikus to show them otherwise. While reading them, keep in mind they lost something when I translated them from my original Japanese draft.

Employees must please
Before returning to work
Wash their goddamn hands

A bed, forks, knives, gas
These and other pictographs
At exit fourteen

Inside on page three
One may learn the latest from
Brangelina’s baby

Be warned, the subway
Contains a hidden peril
So please, mind the gap

Yes, that may be so
But if you think about it — wait
What was I saying?

Twentysomething male
Seeks companion for long walks
And please, no fatties

Beyond these closed doors
No man dare pass, for there lies
The women’s bathroom

Its days here numbered
This milk is doomed to expire
May Fifth of this year

In the coming days
Opportunity may strike
If you’re a Leo

Say, are those moon pants?
Cause your ass is terrific
Now that’s a haiku!

Tags: Best Of TTM, Boems by Matt
No Comments »