Entries Tagged as 'Nonfiction'
How to Dress up Your Pets and Take Photos
How to Dress up Your Pets and Take Photos: A Step-by-Step Guide
Step 1: Stop.
Step 2: Think about your life.
Repeat until ashamed.
Dear Internet
Dear Internet,
Should I update this blog more often?
Love,
Matt Nedostup
Ten As-Yet Untapped Rickroll Opportunities
Just when you thought Rickrolling was played out, I dragged it back, kicking and screaming, from the grave.
- at President Obama’s inauguration speech
- at the Super Bowl halftime show
- on every TV channel, repeating continuously, for 24 hours straight
- replacing the disc in random copies of GTA V
- during the safety orientation onboard a flight
- projected on the Moon
- as the only available ringtone
- as the new national anthem
- in your dreams
- at Rick Astley’s funeral
I am never going to give this up.
A Message to America’s Advertisers: Money Does Not Talk
Recently, a new genre of commercial entered America’s radio and TV landscape, and quickly saturated it. In these commercials, actors portraying America’s founding fathers (plus Lincoln) complain, in a modern setting, either about which dollar bill bears their image, or how that bill is being used.
Now there are two reasons these ads bother me. One is that they are annoying. The other is that they paint a disturbing picture both of our most beloved presidents (plus Franklin) and of the afterlife itself. These commercials posit that either these men are repeatedly driven to descend from Heaven and whine about the most superficial aspects of their legacies, or else their souls are contained in all of the existing money with their face on it. This is a particularly depressing interpretation, as it forces us to imagine our forefathers trapped in a living death, forever staring at the inside of a wallet from millions of pairs of unblinking eyes. What’s more, when they are temporarily freed and allowed to speak their mind (at a commercial taping, for instance) they still only complain about car insurance.
Pictured: Regis and Kelly Interview the Bitter Ghost of Abe Lincoln
I, for one, would like to see these commercials taken off the air, and replaced with a more tasteful campaign of my own design. These would be restrained, historically-accurate period pieces, in which the Golden Globe-winning cast of HBO’s John Adams would discuss the future in realistic dialogue, predicting which fast food restaurants and financial websites would be the best in 250 years. Also, I would play Alexander Hamilton.
X-CentriX
Google has changed everything.
I thought “X-CentriX” would be a good title for something. I thought it was too ridiculous, that no one could have thought of it before. That no one could be so retarded.
But look:
At least no one else thought of capitalizing the second “x.”
P.S. X-Centric is for the man who lives impulsively. A unique mix of angel and devil, charm and playfulness. He lives in a world of wonder, excitement and impulse, a world where perfection is not supreme, a world where wit is king. Contains Cypress, Clary Sage, Grapefruit, Cardamom, Cinnamon, Nutmeg, Green Leaves, Freesia, Lotus, Cedar Wood, Guaiac Wood, Patchouli, Amber, Musk, Sandalwood.
Natt Medostup
Here are some unflattering anagrams of my name:
Utmost Pedant
A Donut Tempts
Panted to Smut
Matt Outspend
And some I like:
Standup Totem
Mutant Despot
Standout Temp
Matt Stupendo
Please use them only for good.
I Got a Microphone
I got a microphone. For details click here.